ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I love having hate sex.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize