Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
