dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
someone owes me an orgasm
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
