I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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