its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
