1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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