He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
