I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
