so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
