Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
