so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
