Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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