She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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