I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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