super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize