she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
