No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
