my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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