Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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