She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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