It's like God shit irony all over that family
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Why are your pants in the freezer?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
