am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
