remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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