You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
