People in love make me want to vomit
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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