i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
