walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
