remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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