The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
