It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
