and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
