Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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