Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
