You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
