so that wasnt chicken after all
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
