I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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