i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
