He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
