There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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