WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm sobbing to NWA
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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