I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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