stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Randomize
