I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
