I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She told me I should be a condom model.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
