so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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