Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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