I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
