i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
