im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
