He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
